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Numbers on adultery are hard to come by, but results from the latest studies indicate that roughly half of all men and women have, at least on one occasion, cheated on their spouse…The causes of infidelity are numerous. When wondering what are the main reasons which could drive us towards adultery, the recurrent cliché is that of a need for sex, for eroticism. But what is truly lacking can be something else entirely. Here is an outline of the most commonly given reasons for infidelity:
A desire for change:
Most of those who are unfaithful speak of a need for novelty, a desire to shake up their daily lives. An uneventful marriage, grown children, a spouse who has changed…and all these tedious, repetitive tasks: household chores, TV, the humdrum of daily life, eat, work and sleep! Yes, quick, time to go to sleep! Being in a routine is seen as a turn-off, a passion-killer; it creates the need for a getaway, for a new adventure, or even to break rules. And why? To rekindle that little flame that the daily grind has blown out. The unfaithful spouse is on an ongoing quest for new emotions, in a struggle against boredom. In some cases the danger and the search for what is forbidden can be a ploy to arouse his or her partner’s interest anew; to send a cry for help, to test the partner before truly taking the step.
The need for reassurance:
When one’s spouse does not express his or her feelings, when one lacks self-confidence, one can feel the need for reassurance in the form of seducing new partners so as to feel loved and understood again. When lacking in love it may become necessary to come under a new gaze, now that the official no longer is on us; this new attention can act as our mirror and make us feel better about ourselves. This need can come from feeling insignificant, put down and abandoned by one’s partner, who may be too busy with something else.
The need to appeal:
Concomitant to the need for reassurance is the desire to test one’s power of seduction – men and women alike. This attitude showcases a fear of commitment. The waning of desire and complicity at the heart of the relationship, to no longer feel understood, listened to or even looked at like it once was at the early stages of love: all of this can drive someone to infidelity. Everybody wants to be appealing and attractive, wants to feel wanted, unique and courted – it’s only human!
Sex:
Another inevitable consequence of a routine setting in for a couple is the diminishing frequency of sexual relations. Close to 20% of men point to the lack of intercourse as the cause of their infidelity. The humdrum of daily life can also invade the bedroom: less and less creativity, repeated headaches, tiredness, all the daily dirt can harm a couple’s intimate life. Frustration thus accumulates, until temptation rears its head. Not to mention premature ejaculation, trouble “performing”, and other issues that also contribute to infidelity!
Temptation:
“Oh, this would never happen to me!” Who among us hasn’t said this at least once? And yet…the choice isn’t always ours! Temptations are everywhere, whether on business trip or at the grocery store. This is all the more true now that new technologies such as cell phones, the internet and social networks have taken such a big place in our lives in the past few years…All of these facilitate new encounters and hence can spark off different temptations.
Whether one is a man, a woman, gay or straight, married or not, no one is free from infidelity. One can take on any role, whether it is that of the jealous one, the one cheated on, or the unfaithful party. All in all, the advice that Gleeden can give to you is to stay true…to your desires!
