Maïa Mazaurette's Column:

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category: News

Maïa Mazaurette's Column: "Is cheating a way to reinvent yourself?"

In her new column, our sexpert Maïa Mazaurette questions an original idea: is having a lover a way to reinvent yourself?

The last study* conducted by shows it: women have a different sexuality with their lover. Well, different… Let’s call a spade a spade: when your sex life is much more satisfying, freer, more adventurous, we can call that a better sex life, right?

We are not going to blame the husbands here. We know the ideal culprits: the regular habits, the routine, the image of the “perfect woman”, the clichés about being a mom but a whore in the bedroom that prevent us to live our most hidden fantasies… Changing the way your relationship goes is easy in theory, but it’s much more like moving mountains. There is a real risk. It’s difficult to talk about your new fantasies when you don’t know if your partner will accept them (and that you will have to wake up next to this person for the next few decades). It’s difficult to try new things in bed between two invoices to pay and three diapers to change…

Therefore, is the marital life synonymous with boredom? No it’s not. You can always change things that bother you. But is it desirable to make love at home like you make love with your lover? Sometimes you want to preserve some parts of your intimate life and not mix everything. Maybe you do not want to have everything. Well, yes you do, but not in the same place. A place for reassuring sex and one to question everything. That’s why infidelity has always been the hidden part of the iceberg in most of couples in the western culture!

We love our husband also because we can count on them. Because they give us the stability that disturbs our wishes for adventures. As individuals, we can be flexible: we can be even more flexible when we have something to hold on to. To put it in a nutshell: without the motional comfort given by your husband, I am not sure that women would be that free with their lovers. We laught at the cuckhold: we should not. We need our relationship. Sometimes we need to protect it from our most hidden desires.

Infidelity is like a fresh start without forgetting the past, without getting rid of the habits (it would be a little too easy to blame them, as you can also have good habits). Infidelity provides the answer to: “what if I could start our sex life over? What would I do differently?” Good question!

This transformation of your sex life, this transformation of yourself, they are only possible because we have nothing to lose. Because we ask different qualities to our spouse or our lover. In my daily life, I need someone who cleans the dishes, who loves me, who are responsible. Sex is important, but among dozens of others elements.

What if sex life was the only thing left? What if nothing else mattered? What if I could express my needs precisely, without compromising? What if I could change everyday instead of keeping the same attitude? Well… what sex life?

Mood swings, variations, experiences… It is difficult to impose that to our spouse simply because you need to be flexible. With your spouse, you cannot be content with a selfish sex life (even in the best sense of the term)

But with your lovers, you can. Exhibitionist one day, sex-addict the next day.

Infidelity is: who am I sexually speaking? Who am I today? Why should I postpone tomorrow what I want now? And better: who do I want to be? If I have always dreamed to play the diva or the school girl, who will prevent me from wearing different masks according to circumstances?

With our lovers, we can be clear. We can say: “I want this sexuality, precisely, tailor-made”. It’s a luxury, especially for women. If our spouse refuses our fantasies, he is still our spouse. But if a lover refuses, there are still possibilities.

We should be able to imagine a sex life according to 2 different chronologies: the long-term husband and the lover synonymous with resurgence. Who are you today ?

*Discover the study conducted by on married women's sex life!