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Freedom and autonomy within the couple are not inconsistent with the notion of love, quite the contrary: feelings deepen when each party feels free to do what they choose to do, and when some part of mystery is kept going. However, jealousy will sometimes creep in, insidiously, and becomes harmful to the relationship.
A recent Canadian study ranks jealousy as the second most significant relationship problem from a sample of 37 conjugal statuses. Normal reactions of jealousy do not have a nefarious effect on the relationship, and underscore the attention given to one’s significant other. However, pathological jealousy is more systematic and quickly veers into spying on the other party, which is harmful to the relationship. The jealous partner has one overarching goal: he or she wants to discover the imagined “truth” at all costs. Generally suffering from a drop in self-esteem, he or she is convinced of being undeserving of the love they have received. His or her life is one of constant suspicion, withdrawn in one’s own bubble.
Jealousy can occasionally lead to infidelity. Jealousy ends up corrupting exchanges and interactions, as these become tainted by lies. Lying is done for protection, and to avoid suspicion. As time goes by, one becomes tired of being beyond reproach, and we may end up asking ourselves if it would not simply be easier to substantiate our significant other’s accusations and take the leap.
How is one to live with a jealous type? In front of them, flirting and provoking their jealousy is to be avoided. Beware of making light of the topic. It is essential to reassure the other party of your feelings for them, and to prevent them from controlling everything. Paying attention to the other party’s feelings is a good thing, but to forget oneself certainly isn’t. When you give in to an affair, delete your phone and internet history, and remember to always empty your pockets.
