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There are two types of resolutions. The bad ones that last for three minutes (based on quitting something) and the good ones that last three months (based on taking on something). However, strangely we rarely put « find a lover » on our New Year’s resolution list.
It’s because we still believe in Father Christmas. We say that lovers, fall from the sky with presents wrapped by small marmots. Whereas, dates are like toning one’s buttocks, you have to work for it, there is no point waiting to bump into a handsome Swedish man on a night out, or even worse: saying that « it » will happen unexpectedly when we stop looking for it.
There will always be people who will make you believe that attraction is something esoteric which is as random as Peruvian astrology. I have to admit, it is a romantic point of view. However it is above all a very idle point of view. If everyone shared this weird passivity, we would have to wait until the end of the world – In the sense of Darwinism, believe me, it’s better to make an effort.
Birthday dates for example are a way of motivating us. Who wants 2011 to be like 2010? Not me. It wasn’t a terrible year, far from it, but I would like a lot more happiness. What makes us happy ? Lovers. Their smile, their body and all the great things that they do: we have desires, we go out, we open horizons, we have fun, we exasperate, and we send nude photos of them in the shower. Some people believe in Buddhism, I believe in virile men whose eyes are the colour of a glacier under an autumn shower. I also believe that I don’t like to be bored, and that nothing makes you feel more alive than to stumble upon a beautiful creature. Because yes, it is 2011 and this means that we are getting older. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to take on the lifestyle of an Eighty year old on sedatives (I’m being a bit unfair towards eighty year olds, it seems that retirement homes are filled with unfaithfulness). Ok, so time passes by, but it’s the moment to make the most of it while we still can, isn’t it? Before that cellulite becomes permanent, and makes things a bit more complicated? Come on. You know very well that you will regret it, on your death bed, all those happy moments that you let slip away.
Furthermore, deciding to find a lover for 2011 will stop you from making any of those « bad » resolutions. Want to workout more? Ok, but you need to have a goal in mind, otherwise you will last twelve seconds on the treadmill before dying of boredom (Yes, I’m speaking from experience). Want to stop eating chocolate? Maybe you can, but what will replace the frustration without a lover? Want to see friends more often? Gladly, but once again they will not make love to you. Want to tidy the house more than once every semester? Cook? Stop leaving shoes lying around? Only if we have someone to do it for – it is simply a question of motivation.
To tell the truth, we should never be allowed to talk about these resolutions if we have not decided, beforehand, to find a lover. Unfaithfulness, if we are realistic, would be one of the best ways to better ourselves.
It is therefore advisable to make a willing effort, and now would be a good time; because January is officially the month of will power (February is devoted to renunciation and March to taking up smoking again).
We have to be deserving of a lover. A lover can be caught, binded and taken back to the house – and only then, do we sign up at the gym or start a diet of lemon, cabbage and beetroot. Because in 2011, a lover guarantees energy, a change, a celebrities’ ego, pleasure, fiery love letters, expensive restaurants, and the libido of an adolescent. I personally wish you all this...
Happy New Year !
Maïa Mazaurette is the author of the french blog sexactu, and of several books, one of them being "Dare to date on the internet".
